The remarkable Abigail Shrier does it again - 5 stars.

Great book, but especially Chapter 4 on social - emotional learning.

Ms. Shrier's critique of SEL devastates this "curricular juggernaut that devours billions ... and upwards of 8 percent of teacher time", with extreme prejudice.


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I just listened to your podcast with Joe Rogan. As someone who has raised 8 children, i can not agree with you more.

Children need to be able to test themselves and need to be told to figure it out from time to time.

I was a free range parent and let my kids explore the world on their own and they turned out resilient and independent.

Thank you for writing about what ive been saying for years. Yes, we ALL have trauma! Stop dwelling on it and move forward!

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As a psychotherapist I believe in the value of therapy but have felt curious/concerned how therapy has impacted us culturally and how the hype and labeling and pathologizing impacts us. I will be keen to pick up your book as I am not dogmatic about therapy and tinker with other forms of healing. To me community and belonging is the great healer. Something we don't find much of these days. And after 20 years, my sons are now teenagers who we parented more "free range" style, give me a earful on what they think of therapy and I listen.

I started putting my chair on the sidewalk out front of my office 9 years ago and over 9000 people have signed up to do the same.

Here is an 11min doc on the my listening on the sidewalk out front of my therapy office project.


Or the website


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I've been listening to Abigail make the rounds on all my favorite podcasts. She is so on point. I was born in 1963 and know that my upbringing made me who I am - tough and resiliant. What this book will help me understand is how my 30 year old daughter, who had most of the good rules Abigail described, turned into a very function, but "of the Left woman" - it was therapy. She had a bit of OCD - who doesn't have some quirk - and started going to therapy - on her own - and she now is convinced she has all kinds of problems and has been to therapy because her cat died. She is tough as nails in other areas - she is a math teacher in a very poor area, lives on her own since 22, works hard, is independent, but describes herself in so many mental disease terms. The therapist have put so much craziness in her head. I hope this book will help my husband and I deprogram her.

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As kids growing up in south San Diego in the early 70’s, my older brother and I were often out late and up to all kinds of mischief that my mom was completely unaware of (or she didn’t care - she drank a lot and was emotionally abusive). We never felt unsafe and I think (other than the mom part), all that exploring was good for us. This double murder in 1993, when I was 30 (and before I had kids) really impacted me because it was so horrific, random, and went unsolved for years.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murders_of_Charlie_Keever_and_Jonathan_Sellers. When I had two sons, I worried about them so much when they were coming or going from school. Yes, I coddled them too much and one is on ADHD medication, so I could have done better and I’m still trying to. I would add though, that so much crime committed against innocent children in the last few decades has probably also made parents overly protective and cautious. When the world scares me, it’s hard not to let that show to my sons.

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This is fantastic! Hopefully it helps people be open to going back to a healthier parenting style that benefits both the kids and the parents.

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Can't wait to read the book!

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Thank you so much for writing this book!

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Congrats & Thx for the preview!

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Feb 25·edited Feb 25

The result of forgoing discipline, which includes tiny doses of physical discomfort (not violent or emotional abuse,) is maladaptive ideation and behavior later in life.

The world is full of situations that cause harm to the unwary. This is the fact to which all must be taught to adapt. Many of those situations cause long-term or permanent harm if responded to maladaptively.

Only the very wealthy can isolate themselves from the mundane threats facing normal people. Failure to simulate a milder, temporary and meticulously curated version of those harms, prevents individuals from establishing pattern recognition of hazards and harms. This recognition failure leads to distorted patterns of chronic reactivity and avoidance.

We are seeing many iterations of the result of failed parenting. It has been several generations that have been deprived of needful life training and many of those deprived children have grown up and are setting government policy. The results of that are painfully obvious.

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Spare the rod, spoil the child? I sorta like your TedTalk there!

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Thank you.

After over six decades of reflection, it seems to me that the distinction between a single, mild swat and abuse has been deliberately conflated. My parents relied heavily on extra chores and restriction for most misbehavioral penalties and the very occasional non-abusive swat was reserved for situations posing physical danger. It was a good balance; the punishments correlated precisely with the risk levels.

Regardless of method, imposing distress is crucial. Why behavioral specialists think they can ignore the research of Pavlov, Skinner, Stoddard and all the rest who have demonstrated the neurological basis for adaptive learning and behavior, escapes me. When I see this sort of myopia, I always suspect that some sort of self-interest is involved.

The most charitable interpretation is that the self-interest is avoidance of discomfort incentivized by an inappropriate and infantile identification with offspring. Inherently, it is an abdication of parental responsibility for ensuring that children are sufficiently prepared to survive independently of unnecessary support structures.

One might speculate that it's yet another symptom of collectivist indoctrination. It's a theory, anyway, but one worth considering.

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Earlier commenter included Boomers in admonition re: childrearing deficiencies, and another commenter allowed for rearing conflicts in parental styles. I admit both are correct as I see my stepchildren now coddle my grandkids. All 3 are "grownups 20, 22&23" yet none are as self-sufficient as I would hope, and 1 is in therapy/on meds/unable to independently navigate college life.


Ring that bell!!

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My minister spoke on parenting this morning. One of his points was lack of consequences is harming our children. I think he will appreciate your book.

BTW, I sent an email to Stefanie at Srbrody@penguinrandomhouse.com on Jan 30. And suggested you publish details about how to order multiple copies of your book.

Seems to me there was a time when people answered letters or emails, she didn't even send an automated reply.

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I am surprised that I still have all my fingers. As a kid I packed cutoff match heads into used co2 cylinders to make improvised rockets that sometimes exploded when set off. I like to tell my grandkids about how as ten year olds with paper routes my friends and I once rode our bikes to a nearby small airport. We gave a pilot we didn’t know a couple of bucks for gas and he flew us over our homes in a Piper Cub. When I got home and told my mom her response was “that’s nice, get ready for dinner” and that was it. We lived in a Chicago suburb and would ride the train to the Loop and wander through the big department stores and once ended up on State street south of Van Buren outside a burlesque show hoping to get a peek inside. A friendly doorman waved us in for a free show. That we never mentioned to our folks. I fear for the current coddled generation.

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I shared a few shocking antics w/grandkids who Just Couldn't Believe! My boundary was the sound range of my mom's NYPD whistle. "Return w/in 10mins or you'll WISH to be only grounded."

Was there less stranger danger? Yes!

Did we learn more about all types of Danger? Yes!

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Looking forward to getting my copy, particularly to reading about what is happening in schools. Here in Canada my kids cannot opt out to what is a very concerning narrative around anxiety and concerningly, Pfizer sponsor it.

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Congratulations on the book! And thank you for your important work and the courage it must take to do it.

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I look forward to reading this article. I've thought of becoming a therapist but when reading the classes I'd have to take and the philosophies I'd have to follow. I'm leaning towards, no thanks. I do have to laugh at Boomers and Gen X who are saying "im glad I'm not like that." Who do you think raised Millennials and Gen Z??? And if you're not a parent, you don't get an opt out either. Who created the society and culture we live in??? Rampant degeneracy and lack of connection. Yes, the younger folks aren't alright, but get off your high horse.

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I remember a neighbor who had a son the same age as my youngest son say to me “I really like how you parent & let Peter be independent & get around on his bike on his own. It reminds me of how I grew up”. It was a compliment that I thought was strange because he could be letting his son do the same thing but perhaps his wife overruled him. They lived 1 block from school & there was a crossing guard at the corner yet she still walked her kids to school. You not only need to let them have independence but you have to teach them how to avoid & handle difficult or possibly dangerous situations if they arise.

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