I work with couples and individuals in today’s dating world, and I can’t stress enough how unequivocally unhinged this generation of women and men is when it comes to romance. Women (by today’s societal standards) are almost always career competing with men in the dating pool, couples are completely unaware of compromise, and men are scared to offend or flirt to meet a woman in case she’s an 11-cats-deep feminist who “doesn’t need a man..” Somehow, the natural and humbling roles in society have been deeply muddied by “social warriors” and “I Can Buy Myself Flowers” Cyrus songs.
Asking wives to understand that husbands aren’t psychic—“he should know better”—and telling young women to get to know someone before they decide to go to bed with them, before they even know their last name, irks them.
What happened to the hunt? The role-play literally and the art of getting to know someone? It’s rough out there for them.
I am a parent and spend A LOT of time thinking about and monitoring what my kids see online and how much time they see it.
I am tech savvy and went to a top 20 university. In the phase of my career when my kids were 4-14 I made sure to have time available for family and for parenting.
And trying to accomplish the task well is very, very difficult. The tools don't work as they should, even (actually ESPECIALLY) Apple's tools.
I am proud of how much my kids read and play outside and still there's a lot I wish were better.
People less tech savvy and with less overall time, and, frankly, competence - they're just toast. What I have done has been very hard and it's not generally achievable without public policy help.
BTW all of this is just the tip of the iceberg. Let's think about how many moral lessons Gen Z learned from kids shows and sitcoms. Mr. Beast is very much not teaching those to kids of this generation.
We need a more conscious effort to create positive content for kids, including family themes as basic as what we saw on the Brady Bunch. Sesame Street was great and still exists. PBS Kids is still pretty solid. Grade 3 and above we're really lacking right now.
After reading a lot of the comments I think a universal is that many children nowadays have not had good Role Models. They have not watched their parents love each other and be kind to each other and that too is a significant problem.
None of our 5 grandchildren (all Gen Z) is on track to fall in love and get married. They have no idea how to behave with the opposite sex because they have never been on a date. The eldest went to her senior prom with her 3 best girlfriends. The second eldest didn’t go to his prom at all and doesn’t even count any girls in his friendship circle. I feel so sorry for all of them.
Exactly! They have very high expectations from the boys, the boys have no idea how to meet the ridiculous ideas they have ( flowers for no good reason, blind adoration, major productions for a prom invitation , and other silly things my 14 year old comes up with). It’s sad for them and unfair to the boys.
That's true! When my granddaughter was still in gymnastics her team also had older high school girls. They introduced her to online porn which she then showed me one evening on her iPad. Being gramma, I did not tell her mother, but had a talk with her about watching that stuff. I can't tell you how shocking it was. In my life, I had never seen porn ever until that night.
I also see this with my nephews. I have never seen any indication that any of them have had any significant romantic relationships and they are all in or graduated from college. Most of them (except for the oldest) are good kids/almost men who should be attractive to women. Its just sad.
When I ask them about dating or interest in someone of the opposite sex, they act like 3rd graders and say things like "boys (or girls) are yucky, are you kidding, Gramma?"
I don't think Rom-coms were what made the difference in anyone's dating life. Massively more important AFAIK was that we were living in the real world where we went outside and actually had chances to meet other people, whether it was at school, work, clubs, churches, synagogues, restaurants, the gym, potlucks, social gatherings, etc. We were not perpetually online and afraid to speak to other people in person.
Besides, I've always hated Rom-Coms, including WHMS.
You are harking toward a past that wasn't so glorious. Rom coms and a century of Hollywood left many people feeling that their relationship had strayed for the on screen ideal and bailng out. What is needed is character building combined with a rock solid belief f that one's partner is an agent of character growth. This is the Jewish model which produced the most stable marriages known to humanity. (of course there were failures but when looked at globally over the centuries no other group even comes close)
I was 27 in the early 90s when I married a guy who was a rom-com fanatic. We met when I was 25 and I was on the east coast and he was in the Midwest. He introduced me to all the rom-coms I had never seen. I left it all to marry him and moved to the Midwest. When I was 34 he told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. He used the WHMS line about wanting the rest of his life to start right away when we met…. Your phrase about a “rock solid belief that one’s partner is an agent of character growth” is something my rom-con loving ex-husband didn’t understand. He was six years older than me. His steady diet of Rom-coms didn’t help this man stay the course. Catholics believe marriage is a sacrament. Perhaps the Catholic model harkens to its jewish roots. And yet you can still get a “get” or an “annulment”. We are free to walk away into the next rom-com fantasy or we can choose to live what is and not what we imagine a rom-com life should look like. Thanks for making me think about this in light of this article and your experience.
Yeah. I forget who on Substack said this, but at some point in the 20th Century the ideal role of the husband went from "reliable and honorable life partner within a fulfilling community" to "provider of emotional fulfillment." That's particularly bad for more nervous or perfectionist women, not to mention all men.
As the mother of two beautiful, dating-age daughters, I can't wait for your new book! I don't know how to help my girls navigate today's dating world...what they see and experience today isn't even in the same zip code as my dating experiences from the late 80's/90's. I'm truly at a loss.
The best book I ever read was All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider. Because of this book, I am happily married & have an incredible husband who is an incredible father to our 3 daughters. And it truly was because I had read this book. Prior to this, my dating life was terrible. The book has very old-fashioned dating advice. But if a girl follows it, she will absolutely have a wonderful husband someday. I have loaned my copy to my sister in law. & will share it with my girls when they are dating age.
Matthew Hussey's books and YouTube channel changed my life. I had never been on a date in my senior year of college and didn't get much attention from guys. I knew that needed to change if I was going to achieve one of my top life goals, which was a happy marriage. I started online dating (which is not for the faint of heart) on Valentine's Day of my senior year and at the same time started studying how to date. I read 5-10 books and watched countless videos, and Hussey's advice was the most important in leading me to my husband, who I married 2 serious relationships and 3.5 years later. Another hugely impact full book I recommend for any woman over 21 is "Marry Him" by Lori Gotlieb.
I don't know why this essay hit me so directly today, but it was a perspective that I desperately needed. I am not Gen Z - I am solidly Gen X, and these noted Rom Coms were solidly part of my teenage and early adult experience. Over the years, even after having married someone who really is what I needed, I have become cynical in our marriage, hopelessly resentful of his numerous imperfections (trust me, I am aware I have my own), and have taken on the burden of all things in our relationship silently and alone, in classic martyr style. The line about being the Girlboss resonated with me because I think that Gen X women on the younger end of the generation probably fell prey to that messaging, and it has made us hard and impervious to accepting help from anyone, especially male, even if they are supposed to be our partners. We are also now parents to a teen son, and I am afraid that what he is seeing in our marriage is hurting him, and we both need to do better for him.
But I have hope - the reminders of the best parts of When Harry Met Sally, and Abigail's own recounting of her prenuptial conversation with her now husband, reminded me of a stupid anecdote from just few days ago between my husband ("Mike") and I that still makes me chuckle:
We were making dinner and dishing out steamed green beans to each plate. Mike and son both wanted butter on theirs, so Mike went to melt butter a little in the microwave. In my most condescending tone, and because I MUST have an opinion on everything, I told him that the beans are hot, and he's just going to make a mess, and you can just put a pat of butter on them and it will melt. I took a cold pat and tried to do just that on my green beans while Mark stood there with a little smile on his face, but silent. After about a minute when the butter refused to melt on my green beans, he said quietly "So how's that working out for you?" I couldn't help it - I busted out laughing, and we both laughed together harder than we probably had in a very long time. And for once, I wasn't mad.
Thank you for the recommendation! I have not heard of her before, but just looking at the catalogue of topics she touches on, I am very excited to start listening to her and seeing things from a different point of view.
As the mother of a son who’s struggling to secure a second date in his first year of college, I see serious issues due to the screen epidemic.
I see studying abroad as a welcome (and perhaps only) opportunity to experiencing actual love. Screens, earphones, the aloofness, loneliness, and isolation trap of this generation are very troubling.
How can any subtle or overt flirting occur when everyone is focused on a screen and/or their own music that shuts the world out? And how can anyone have the nerve to flirt when they fear they might be viewed as a creep for crossing some new, invisible privacy line?
How can we turn this around for this generation of young men and women?
Finally! You have put into words everything my friends and I have been commiserating about for the last decade (as we sit watching You’ve Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally or Return to Me for the 300th time). Perhaps one of the greatest lies told to this generation is that to drop everything for love is to sell out..
Our younger 29 year old son has not had a girlfriend in close to three years. He no longer wants to use dating apps, but seems at a loss on how to meet women outside of apps.
My wife and I finally convinced our oldest son to ask a girl to the prom - he did and she agreed. But it was something we had to encourage - to ask him to learn how to be with her just for a prom and learn from it. It does seem that so many others are going with friends - not as a date. That said, we have warned him that it's just high school - this is just the first step, but to get out there and find someone you enjoy being with - and focusing attention on her for bit. But, to my wife's chagrin, I did warn him that girls / young women are miserable young people and to expect that for some time. I hope I'm wrong in that regard.
Millennial pov - Why has my dating life veered off track? Because I am unwilling to date or pursue a relationship with any guy that took 1+ COVID-19 shots. Hope this will be a talking point in your work
As somebody who is not in the market for a partner but has a son that was. What I can tell you is that there are many people that took a couple of the covid-19 shots and didn't want to. Now you can feel superior because you were smarter than they were or you can recognize that a lot of people took them for reasons of necessity and while I do believe that some of the covid-19 shots are very dangerous I also believe others weren't and I believe that they've come a long way medically to being able to address and solve some of the issues so if you won't even talk to somebody who's had the shot then you're not finding out what camp they were in and you're limiting yourself and that is on you. Having said all of that I am fully aware of the issues involved with partnering with somebody who has had the covid-19 shots so I am not dismissing your thought process but I am saying that there may be ways around it and you should think about them.
This piece hits the nail on the head -- I touch on the end of romance in a discussion with Leslie Elliot Boyce on her "Radical Center" channel ("Ex-Feminist on Relationships and Childless Women."
In an effort to sow understanding between the sexes, I taught my Lit/Crit course some years ago on the theme of love.
It was an exercise in heartbreak. Now, there may have been a cultural difference; most of the students were Chinese nationals. But the cynicism was so demoralizing. They are utterly steeped in toxic feminist lenses to the point, I fear, of no return. I happen to know that a colleague was teaching Chopin's "The Story of an Hour" as a vehicle for the argument that "marriage is a trap for women."
I paired Angela Carter's "feminist" "Black Venus," an imagining of Jeanne Duvall's feelings for Beaudelaire. Ironically, Carter's story portrays Duvall as a henpecking harpie. He can't do anything right. Meanwhile, Beadelaire's poems sing of love for her. Why won't she take him seriously?
Yet the students were numb to this. He couldn't possibly have meant it, the evil, white, oppressor. He only loved her for being "exotic."
As the mom of six adult kiddos, this classroom experience is absolutely heartbreaking to hear. These kids deserve so much more than toxic feminist propaganda. I am all for women’s rights, but men are not the enemy 😢 Please don’t give up, we need more teachers like you!
Thank you. When the department was dissolved, they kept the professor who teaches that "The Story of an Hour" conveys that "marriage is a trap," that white people are inherently racist, blah blah blah....
As a teacher, what is your experience of adolescents in sex-segregated learning settings? I am old and attended a suburban all-boys (Catholic) high school loosely linked to an all-girls (Catholic) high school a mile or two away. For the boys, the girls school was a special, desirable place, full of valuables under guard; for us it was exciting and novel when there was reason to visit it, an adventure, a chance to learn secrets, to show off, maybe come back with a trophy like a phone number or an invitation. I think the girls thought our school also was a little special, less refined, rowdier, maybe a little dangerous, a place to go if you wanted to get away with being a little less ladylike. It is my distinct impression that throughout human history, in most cultures the sexes have for a variety of reasons been segregated to some extent during adolescence, as they mature into sex-specific experiences. I guess I wonder what part in all this sex-role sorting out is played by the atmosphere in which it takes place.
As a teacher, I don't have any experience with deliberately sex-segregated schools or classrooms, however I can say that as a teenager, I'd have been much better served in a single-sex school. I was incredibly distracted by the boys, and my grades tanked in deference to superficial and hormonal pursuits.
I agree with your point that the mystery serves a vital purpose. Overall, it seems we have come to expect to completely desexualize ourselves in the workplace, or otherwise suffer the wraths of "sexual harassment." There was something to each sex reigning over their respective domains, and coming together at certain hours of the day for family time.
I’m the mom of four amazing young adults. The older two have found their person, but the younger two have not. The pool of possible contenders seems to be very shallow in many ways. They want the kind of relationships that existed before cell phones and instagram and I don’t know if they will find them.
When Harry Met Sally is also my all-time favorite.
The only rom-com I've really enjoyed from more recent decades is He's Just Not That Into You. (Perhaps because it almost parodies WHMS with it's randomly inserted clips of people's dating advice.)
"Plus One" is an excellent, recent romcom. Maya Erskine is brilliant in it. Film manages to be both funny and say something interesting at the same time.
I work with couples and individuals in today’s dating world, and I can’t stress enough how unequivocally unhinged this generation of women and men is when it comes to romance. Women (by today’s societal standards) are almost always career competing with men in the dating pool, couples are completely unaware of compromise, and men are scared to offend or flirt to meet a woman in case she’s an 11-cats-deep feminist who “doesn’t need a man..” Somehow, the natural and humbling roles in society have been deeply muddied by “social warriors” and “I Can Buy Myself Flowers” Cyrus songs.
Asking wives to understand that husbands aren’t psychic—“he should know better”—and telling young women to get to know someone before they decide to go to bed with them, before they even know their last name, irks them.
What happened to the hunt? The role-play literally and the art of getting to know someone? It’s rough out there for them.
Gen Z here. Neglectful parenting is what happened.
Parents gave phones to kids without checking what was on it.
Parents sent kids to school unaware they had been transformed into indoctrination camps.
Parents bought into the myth of wanting their kids to “be happy” instead of instilling time-tested values.
Now, the zookeeper wonders why their zoo animal won’t survive in the wild. But this would suggest parents did something wrong.
I am a parent and spend A LOT of time thinking about and monitoring what my kids see online and how much time they see it.
I am tech savvy and went to a top 20 university. In the phase of my career when my kids were 4-14 I made sure to have time available for family and for parenting.
And trying to accomplish the task well is very, very difficult. The tools don't work as they should, even (actually ESPECIALLY) Apple's tools.
I am proud of how much my kids read and play outside and still there's a lot I wish were better.
People less tech savvy and with less overall time, and, frankly, competence - they're just toast. What I have done has been very hard and it's not generally achievable without public policy help.
Thank you. Yes it is brutal out there for young men
BTW all of this is just the tip of the iceberg. Let's think about how many moral lessons Gen Z learned from kids shows and sitcoms. Mr. Beast is very much not teaching those to kids of this generation.
We need a more conscious effort to create positive content for kids, including family themes as basic as what we saw on the Brady Bunch. Sesame Street was great and still exists. PBS Kids is still pretty solid. Grade 3 and above we're really lacking right now.
After reading a lot of the comments I think a universal is that many children nowadays have not had good Role Models. They have not watched their parents love each other and be kind to each other and that too is a significant problem.
None of our 5 grandchildren (all Gen Z) is on track to fall in love and get married. They have no idea how to behave with the opposite sex because they have never been on a date. The eldest went to her senior prom with her 3 best girlfriends. The second eldest didn’t go to his prom at all and doesn’t even count any girls in his friendship circle. I feel so sorry for all of them.
Exactly! They have very high expectations from the boys, the boys have no idea how to meet the ridiculous ideas they have ( flowers for no good reason, blind adoration, major productions for a prom invitation , and other silly things my 14 year old comes up with). It’s sad for them and unfair to the boys.
Many boys also are porn addicted beginning age 12 and they think girls and women are like what they see in today’s violent degrading porn.
Girls are watching that crap too.
That's true! When my granddaughter was still in gymnastics her team also had older high school girls. They introduced her to online porn which she then showed me one evening on her iPad. Being gramma, I did not tell her mother, but had a talk with her about watching that stuff. I can't tell you how shocking it was. In my life, I had never seen porn ever until that night.
Didn’t say that’s not a problem. They’ve been groomed to think being strangulated is part of sex.
I would love to talk. Are you up for a conversation?
I also see this with my nephews. I have never seen any indication that any of them have had any significant romantic relationships and they are all in or graduated from college. Most of them (except for the oldest) are good kids/almost men who should be attractive to women. Its just sad.
When I ask them about dating or interest in someone of the opposite sex, they act like 3rd graders and say things like "boys (or girls) are yucky, are you kidding, Gramma?"
I don't think Rom-coms were what made the difference in anyone's dating life. Massively more important AFAIK was that we were living in the real world where we went outside and actually had chances to meet other people, whether it was at school, work, clubs, churches, synagogues, restaurants, the gym, potlucks, social gatherings, etc. We were not perpetually online and afraid to speak to other people in person.
Besides, I've always hated Rom-Coms, including WHMS.
You are harking toward a past that wasn't so glorious. Rom coms and a century of Hollywood left many people feeling that their relationship had strayed for the on screen ideal and bailng out. What is needed is character building combined with a rock solid belief f that one's partner is an agent of character growth. This is the Jewish model which produced the most stable marriages known to humanity. (of course there were failures but when looked at globally over the centuries no other group even comes close)
I was 27 in the early 90s when I married a guy who was a rom-com fanatic. We met when I was 25 and I was on the east coast and he was in the Midwest. He introduced me to all the rom-coms I had never seen. I left it all to marry him and moved to the Midwest. When I was 34 he told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. He used the WHMS line about wanting the rest of his life to start right away when we met…. Your phrase about a “rock solid belief that one’s partner is an agent of character growth” is something my rom-con loving ex-husband didn’t understand. He was six years older than me. His steady diet of Rom-coms didn’t help this man stay the course. Catholics believe marriage is a sacrament. Perhaps the Catholic model harkens to its jewish roots. And yet you can still get a “get” or an “annulment”. We are free to walk away into the next rom-com fantasy or we can choose to live what is and not what we imagine a rom-com life should look like. Thanks for making me think about this in light of this article and your experience.
Yeah. I forget who on Substack said this, but at some point in the 20th Century the ideal role of the husband went from "reliable and honorable life partner within a fulfilling community" to "provider of emotional fulfillment." That's particularly bad for more nervous or perfectionist women, not to mention all men.
As the mother of two beautiful, dating-age daughters, I can't wait for your new book! I don't know how to help my girls navigate today's dating world...what they see and experience today isn't even in the same zip code as my dating experiences from the late 80's/90's. I'm truly at a loss.
The best book I ever read was All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider. Because of this book, I am happily married & have an incredible husband who is an incredible father to our 3 daughters. And it truly was because I had read this book. Prior to this, my dating life was terrible. The book has very old-fashioned dating advice. But if a girl follows it, she will absolutely have a wonderful husband someday. I have loaned my copy to my sister in law. & will share it with my girls when they are dating age.
Thank you so much! I'm ordering this now!
Matthew Hussey's books and YouTube channel changed my life. I had never been on a date in my senior year of college and didn't get much attention from guys. I knew that needed to change if I was going to achieve one of my top life goals, which was a happy marriage. I started online dating (which is not for the faint of heart) on Valentine's Day of my senior year and at the same time started studying how to date. I read 5-10 books and watched countless videos, and Hussey's advice was the most important in leading me to my husband, who I married 2 serious relationships and 3.5 years later. Another hugely impact full book I recommend for any woman over 21 is "Marry Him" by Lori Gotlieb.
Your story is hauntingly similar to my eldest daughter's...I will get his books for her immediately! Thank you SO much for the great advice!
I don't know why this essay hit me so directly today, but it was a perspective that I desperately needed. I am not Gen Z - I am solidly Gen X, and these noted Rom Coms were solidly part of my teenage and early adult experience. Over the years, even after having married someone who really is what I needed, I have become cynical in our marriage, hopelessly resentful of his numerous imperfections (trust me, I am aware I have my own), and have taken on the burden of all things in our relationship silently and alone, in classic martyr style. The line about being the Girlboss resonated with me because I think that Gen X women on the younger end of the generation probably fell prey to that messaging, and it has made us hard and impervious to accepting help from anyone, especially male, even if they are supposed to be our partners. We are also now parents to a teen son, and I am afraid that what he is seeing in our marriage is hurting him, and we both need to do better for him.
But I have hope - the reminders of the best parts of When Harry Met Sally, and Abigail's own recounting of her prenuptial conversation with her now husband, reminded me of a stupid anecdote from just few days ago between my husband ("Mike") and I that still makes me chuckle:
We were making dinner and dishing out steamed green beans to each plate. Mike and son both wanted butter on theirs, so Mike went to melt butter a little in the microwave. In my most condescending tone, and because I MUST have an opinion on everything, I told him that the beans are hot, and he's just going to make a mess, and you can just put a pat of butter on them and it will melt. I took a cold pat and tried to do just that on my green beans while Mark stood there with a little smile on his face, but silent. After about a minute when the butter refused to melt on my green beans, he said quietly "So how's that working out for you?" I couldn't help it - I busted out laughing, and we both laughed together harder than we probably had in a very long time. And for once, I wasn't mad.
What a wonderful noticing please check out Allison Armstrong on YouTube.
Thank you for the recommendation! I have not heard of her before, but just looking at the catalogue of topics she touches on, I am very excited to start listening to her and seeing things from a different point of view.
I recently read The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle and it was excellent. It sounds like it may be helpful to your situation. She has a podcast too!
Thank you! I will absolutely check her out!
Reminds me that someone recommended that one to me also, and I started it, but hadn’t finished it! I will go find it again.
As the mother of a son who’s struggling to secure a second date in his first year of college, I see serious issues due to the screen epidemic.
I see studying abroad as a welcome (and perhaps only) opportunity to experiencing actual love. Screens, earphones, the aloofness, loneliness, and isolation trap of this generation are very troubling.
How can any subtle or overt flirting occur when everyone is focused on a screen and/or their own music that shuts the world out? And how can anyone have the nerve to flirt when they fear they might be viewed as a creep for crossing some new, invisible privacy line?
How can we turn this around for this generation of young men and women?
Finally! You have put into words everything my friends and I have been commiserating about for the last decade (as we sit watching You’ve Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally or Return to Me for the 300th time). Perhaps one of the greatest lies told to this generation is that to drop everything for love is to sell out..
Yes!!!
I love this piece.
Our younger 29 year old son has not had a girlfriend in close to three years. He no longer wants to use dating apps, but seems at a loss on how to meet women outside of apps.
My wife and I finally convinced our oldest son to ask a girl to the prom - he did and she agreed. But it was something we had to encourage - to ask him to learn how to be with her just for a prom and learn from it. It does seem that so many others are going with friends - not as a date. That said, we have warned him that it's just high school - this is just the first step, but to get out there and find someone you enjoy being with - and focusing attention on her for bit. But, to my wife's chagrin, I did warn him that girls / young women are miserable young people and to expect that for some time. I hope I'm wrong in that regard.
Millennial pov - Why has my dating life veered off track? Because I am unwilling to date or pursue a relationship with any guy that took 1+ COVID-19 shots. Hope this will be a talking point in your work
As somebody who is not in the market for a partner but has a son that was. What I can tell you is that there are many people that took a couple of the covid-19 shots and didn't want to. Now you can feel superior because you were smarter than they were or you can recognize that a lot of people took them for reasons of necessity and while I do believe that some of the covid-19 shots are very dangerous I also believe others weren't and I believe that they've come a long way medically to being able to address and solve some of the issues so if you won't even talk to somebody who's had the shot then you're not finding out what camp they were in and you're limiting yourself and that is on you. Having said all of that I am fully aware of the issues involved with partnering with somebody who has had the covid-19 shots so I am not dismissing your thought process but I am saying that there may be ways around it and you should think about them.
This piece hits the nail on the head -- I touch on the end of romance in a discussion with Leslie Elliot Boyce on her "Radical Center" channel ("Ex-Feminist on Relationships and Childless Women."
In an effort to sow understanding between the sexes, I taught my Lit/Crit course some years ago on the theme of love.
It was an exercise in heartbreak. Now, there may have been a cultural difference; most of the students were Chinese nationals. But the cynicism was so demoralizing. They are utterly steeped in toxic feminist lenses to the point, I fear, of no return. I happen to know that a colleague was teaching Chopin's "The Story of an Hour" as a vehicle for the argument that "marriage is a trap for women."
I paired Angela Carter's "feminist" "Black Venus," an imagining of Jeanne Duvall's feelings for Beaudelaire. Ironically, Carter's story portrays Duvall as a henpecking harpie. He can't do anything right. Meanwhile, Beadelaire's poems sing of love for her. Why won't she take him seriously?
Yet the students were numb to this. He couldn't possibly have meant it, the evil, white, oppressor. He only loved her for being "exotic."
As the mom of six adult kiddos, this classroom experience is absolutely heartbreaking to hear. These kids deserve so much more than toxic feminist propaganda. I am all for women’s rights, but men are not the enemy 😢 Please don’t give up, we need more teachers like you!
Lesley Would love to talk, if you're up for it.
Thank you. When the department was dissolved, they kept the professor who teaches that "The Story of an Hour" conveys that "marriage is a trap," that white people are inherently racist, blah blah blah....
---and got rid of me.
As a teacher, what is your experience of adolescents in sex-segregated learning settings? I am old and attended a suburban all-boys (Catholic) high school loosely linked to an all-girls (Catholic) high school a mile or two away. For the boys, the girls school was a special, desirable place, full of valuables under guard; for us it was exciting and novel when there was reason to visit it, an adventure, a chance to learn secrets, to show off, maybe come back with a trophy like a phone number or an invitation. I think the girls thought our school also was a little special, less refined, rowdier, maybe a little dangerous, a place to go if you wanted to get away with being a little less ladylike. It is my distinct impression that throughout human history, in most cultures the sexes have for a variety of reasons been segregated to some extent during adolescence, as they mature into sex-specific experiences. I guess I wonder what part in all this sex-role sorting out is played by the atmosphere in which it takes place.
As a teacher, I don't have any experience with deliberately sex-segregated schools or classrooms, however I can say that as a teenager, I'd have been much better served in a single-sex school. I was incredibly distracted by the boys, and my grades tanked in deference to superficial and hormonal pursuits.
I agree with your point that the mystery serves a vital purpose. Overall, it seems we have come to expect to completely desexualize ourselves in the workplace, or otherwise suffer the wraths of "sexual harassment." There was something to each sex reigning over their respective domains, and coming together at certain hours of the day for family time.
I’m the mom of four amazing young adults. The older two have found their person, but the younger two have not. The pool of possible contenders seems to be very shallow in many ways. They want the kind of relationships that existed before cell phones and instagram and I don’t know if they will find them.
Alternate title: Why No One Should Ever Again Lend Credence to Progressives.
When Harry Met Sally is also my all-time favorite.
The only rom-com I've really enjoyed from more recent decades is He's Just Not That Into You. (Perhaps because it almost parodies WHMS with it's randomly inserted clips of people's dating advice.)
"Plus One" is an excellent, recent romcom. Maya Erskine is brilliant in it. Film manages to be both funny and say something interesting at the same time.
Your husband has a great sense of humor, congratulations both to him and his accomplished wife!